(Photo Left- For Christmas my wife gave me a travel bag for my golf clubs, which I’m getting some use of. I’m happy to report that so far the airlines haven’t been able to break the tube case and damage my clubs.)
On a recent stay at my parents’ house, I found an old Golf Magazine from January 2005. One article in particular stuck with me, “How to be the most popular guy in your group,” by Michael Corcoran. And while it had many good points on golf etiquette, here is a short list of seven which every man should consider:
1. On monetary bets- Be considerate, especially if someone is out of their league (and do it without naming names). Limit the maximum loss to $50 bucks or so. Politely put a muzzle on anyone getting obnoxious with large stakes.
2. Pick up the ball- If you’re hitting eight on the hole, pick up your ball. Take a snowman on your card, and be considerate. Don’t slow down the play for your group or the group behind you while you “quintuple-bogey putt.”
3. Buy the first round from the refreshment cart- This is a nice gesture which the other members in your group will appreciate. Don’t just ask if they want anything, but rather make the offer specific- “I’m buying. What do you guys want, beer, soda, candy bar?” And tip the cart girl appropriately so that you’ll see her again.
4. Be humble. Don’t offer swing tips- If someone is having an off day and does plead for help, defuse his frustration with humor. Corcoran suggests using the old Sam Snead line, “You’ve got just one problem- you stand too close to the ball after you’ve hit it.” He also suggests you “remind him that no matter how badly he feels, Greg Norman felt worse.”
Which leads to-
5. Keep a sense of humor- If you’re the one having an off day, don’t be afraid to laugh at yourself. Use humor to keep yourself loose and not ruin the day for everyone else. Corcoran gave some great quips:
-When you leave a putt 10 feet short- “How’d that stay out?”
-When you airmail the green by 50 yards- “Bite! Bite!”
I’m sure you can think of your own favorite quips as well.
6. Give a hand- After the final putt on the 18th, give everyone a smile and a firm handshake; look them in the eye and tell them how much you enjoyed the round. If you’re a traditionalist and wearing a cap, doff it.
7. Pay up- If you lost, pony up your money promptly. If you won, win with grace and offer to use the winnings to cover a round of drinks or lunch.
Conversely, Corcoran made a list of Don’ts. Here are the top five I selected:
1. Don’t call a rules violation when you’re not playing in a tournament. Trust me, it won't impress, it will annoy.
2. Don’t take a second practice swing, and a third, with a divot.
3. Don’t hit on the cart girl. It doesn’t make you look cool, just creepy; and will only serve to keep her away from your group when you need more beer.
4. Don’t linger on a green practicing a putt you missed when the group has moved on to the next tee.
5. Don’t impress your group by making your mobile phone (tackily clipped to your belt) play “I’m Allright” from Caddyshack. This action alone will ensure your status as a single for life.
JP
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